Where are my Mourners at? This one is for you!
“Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn…” That is a phrase I have heard before. (For an exact reference please check Mosiah 18:9) This phrase is more than something I have heard before, it is something I have made a covenant to keep. But regardless of my religious choices and commitments, I think it explains my desire to always mourn with those that mourn.
Losing someone sucks. I don’t even have a desire to put that more poetically or with better terminology. It sucks. If anything sucks, death sucks! I wish that nobody had to experience the loss of a loved one. (Realistically, I understand that would mean we would all live forever, in order for that to happen.) Since that is not possible, we will all lose someone at some point, but I wish it didn’t have to happen.
I have lost. My heart broke. It hurt. It hurts. Still.
For my Mourners, I hear your stories and it happens all over again. I lose, my heartbreaks, it hurts and hurts and still hurts.
Oh, where is the hope and where is the point of this TeAnna? (Ask away, I myself am asking.) There is a point. We go through it for each other. We go through pain to remember the joy. We lose in order to draw closer to those we are left with. We have experience in order to help those with similar experience.
Nine and a half years ago, I lost my mom. Since loosing my best friend, I have notice that I am not the only one who has lost. (I realized it before that but I never understood the way I do now.) When I see that someone I know and care about has lost someone they love, my heart breaks for them.
Let me list some of what hurts me for my mourners:
- the shock and pain of the initial loss (the worst)
- the remembering of the last moment with the individual (the should have been’s or if only’s)
- the realization of the times that will now be missed out on (the could of been’s)
- the putting on a face and taking care of business (the necessary bravery, that is strangely empoweringly painful, you never wanted to be this strong)
- the floods of sympathy (they are comforting and wonderful and necessary but painful)
- the moment the sympathy ends (you don’t realize exactly when it happens but the day comes when people stop saying sorry)
- the fact that everyone else continues on with their lives (how dare they?! yet you will too)
- the stages of grief
- needing to go through the stages of grief
- the distancing people do when they don’t know how to handle your loss
- the identifier of being someone who has lost
- the effort to loose the identifier of being someone who has lost but realizing it is so much of a part of who you are, that it is a rightly an identifier
- the moment when years pass and subconsciously you still reach out to contact the person you’ve lost only to remind yourself of your loss
- the fact people tell you it gets better (and you realize you don’t want it to get better. But the truth is it does and it doesn’t)
- the cycles of sadness that accompany birthdays and holidays
Okay stop already TeAnna!! This is too depressing. You said you would mourn with me not mourn for me or make the saddest list in the world! You are right, blog readers, you are absolutely right. This is just some of the things that I feel, remember, and worry about for you. We will all go through something that is uniquely us. We will mourn in our own way and time. But upon hearing about your loss I think about these and I worry about you.
I also know that in the beginning there is going to be a strength that will guide you through those dark days. I know that returning to those initial feelings of comfort will help you. I know that surrounding yourself with loved ones and memories, you will find the pain easing. You will feel a sense of understanding. I also, ask you to reach out. Reach out to those who have gone through similar situations and allow those who are reaching out to help you.
I will forever mourn with those who mourn. It is now part of who I am. I am here for you. Whatever you need I am here.
Oh yeah, and watch Big Hero 6